The Simplest of Sense
I try very hard not to think about it. I’m okay with it of course. Really. I am. We all need to move on eventually, to start unpacking all the bags we filled when we decided to leave each other. Back to school or work, back to family and friends. Back to all the things that for a blissful moment took a step back so that beauty could shine between us. But that’s all done with now so we really must be getting back to it. And I know this. And it all makes the simplest of sense. And I’m okay with it. I am. Really.
Still though… I try not to think about it. If I can manage. I try not to let in those nagging thoughts and memories. It’s not so bad to think about you moving on. To think about you happy… elsewhere… without me. It isn’t. It isn’t even that bad thinking of all the ways you might think of me differently. Or of all the memories that we shared that you might have willfully tossed aside in an effort to clear your path forward. Really. It isn’t. But I try not to think of those other things. Of those things that tug at the bottom of heart. Of how someone else might be learning that sushi for you means tuna sashimi. Or about your deep obsession with a 90’s teen vampire salyer sitcom. Or that they might hear your laugh as you explain your love for Anaïs Nin. I try not to think about someone else seeing that wide smile before you wrap yourself tightly around their arm. I try not to think about how someone new might become accustom to your scent. That they might learn the shifting of the mattress like the tide when you lay your body next to theirs. That they might come to expect the comfort of that weight. That they might discover your late night fidgeting as you’re just falling asleep. That they might feel the tugging at their shirt, like the tugging in my heart, and decipher its complicated code. That they might know that it means that it’s time to go home, or it’s time to go to sleep, or it’s time to kiss you.
I’m fine with it all though. Really. It all makes perfect sense. It’s just how the world goes. It’s only for the best. I’m certain of it. And I’m trying not to think about those things so much. And I’m fine with it.
Really.
I am.
